The trap of comparing

The ramblings of my mind today:

Caroline caught the cold that I've been battling for a couple of days.

I'm babysitting the seven-year-old daughter of an awesome friend who's dealing with her husband's major health issues up in Spokane.

Today, life is challenging. I talk to so many people who miss babies, want babies, when right now, I'm looking forward to the time when my kids don't need naps anymore. All of them. Don't get me wrong. Caroline is a sweet baby and I'm not wishing her childhood away.

But I do envy other moms who can do so much more with their older kids than I can. Right now, my life seems to revolve around Caroline and I feel so awful for Laurel, William, James and Henry.

I try. I do lessons with Laurel and William every day. I try to read with all of them some time during the day. I don't always succeed, but I still try.

Then there's me. There is so much I want to do, for me, that I can't do. I can't even get a shower in every day! I listened to a caller on the Dr. Laura show today and thought, "Oh my gosh! It's me!" Dr. Laura was telling her she needed to take time every day to unwind. I've examined my day and that time does not exist for me unless I sacrifice sleep. With a husband in law school, there is no time for me to unwind. I get up to kids and am so tired at night that I go to bed shortly after they do.

I have a hard time explaining this to my friends. They want to get together so the kids can play and we can chat. I'm a do-er. Guess it's in my blood. I don't like to sit around a visit so much. I want to get things done. I want to sew. In a pinch, I'd do some embroidery or crochet. But I don't want to just sit. Unless it's with a good book.

Inevitably, those chats and visits just turn into gripe-fests about our husbands. Never a healthy thing.

Even though I know Caroline is my last baby, and I do love her and love every stage she is going through, I am looking forward to the time when our lives don't revolve around her sleep cycles. Just saying!

Caroline's new trick

Miss Caroline Mae has a new trick to show you.



Watch out world!

Contentment

. . . is kissing the warm pink cheek of a baby who just woke up.

Life is good.

Grateful Sunday

Today I'm grateful for this man.

Yesterday was his birthday. It was the eleventh one we've celebrated together. I made the eleventh German chocolate cake for him.

Laurel couldn't wait to give him his gifts. She's been excited all week about them. She drew him a card too. William also made him a gift.

James and Henry just gave him big enthusiastic happy birthday hugs and kisses all day.

Caroline smiled - she has the best smiles that are always a gift.

It was a good day. He's a good man. He's not perfect, and neither am I. But he's perfect for me and we're learning so much together. He's my best friend and I'm so grateful I have him in my life.

I have so many things to be grateful for this week, but Aaron is always top of the list.

Happy birthday sweetie.

By the way, if you like historical drama, watch Anonymous. We watched it last night and I just can't stop thinking about it. Really well-done, but then I'm a nerd that way.

One Year Later

Just realized you haven't seen a whole lot of my big girl lately. Here she is with a Lego T-rex she created for Henry who was sad. Love this girl. Love how helpful she is - it's nice to have a child who doesn't always have to be asked to help out. She comforts everyone, including me. She loves everyone and she is such a gift to me.

So, what happened a year ago? I got my concussion.

Why am I talking about it now? Because I've found out, over the last year, that there can be long-term side effects. One of which is the one I never wanted.

I'm not a reader. I know I have five children and I shouldn't have all that much time for reading. But it didn't used to be like this. If I started a book, I read every chance I got. Now, I can't get interested in anything. I've read a few books since last March. Most for school.

If I get long e-mails, it takes several readings (not all at once) before I can get it. I flip through magazines. I start books, read a few pages and never finish them.

This has been a huge struggle for me. I identify myself as a reader. I kept a reading log for a long time. Right after William was born, I read over 50 books in about 4 months. I haven't finished a book in several months now. Nothing holds my interest.

Which might be why I've turned to quilting. It's been my lifeline, my new thing. I want to be a reader again. I just can't manage it right now though. It makes me sad, because that has always been who and what I am. I feel a little lost and more than a little sad.

So if I seem different to you, if I seem to be a little off, know that the side-effects of concussions can be long lasting, even from moderate ones. Wish that wasn't the case, but there you have it.

I stared a new blog a while back to showcase my quilts. Go here to see what I've been up to lately.